11/20/2017

You Have No Power Here: Deactivating the Mean Gays


Grade school gym class. 1996. It's time for the weekly ritual of picking teams for dodgeball. No matter how often we do this, it will never cease to be humiliating. It’s not that I’m the fattest one, though I’m quite chubby. No, even the fat girls can throw better than I can. I stand there, hopeful, as it’s down to me and one other. Facing the toughest decision of his life, a weaselly boy named Tim examines me and the other remaining candidate, as if he’s choosing between an Indian Rug Burn and a Texas Titty Twister. I’m hopeful that this ti…never mind, last again! As the game commences in gloomy fluorescent lighting appropriate for an outdoor funeral service, I try to navigate the game while causing myself the least embarrassment possible, which this time means hanging in the back farthest away from the other team. This approach works well until I suddenly realize there is only me left. I freeze. Half my classmates are on the attack. I know I’m going down. My team is watching angrily from the bleachers. They can’t come back in until I lose it for us. “Just get out, fat-ass!” Tim screams angrily. This hurts, but instead of crying, I allow myself to daydream. I dream of getting out of podunk Farmer City. Right now I feel like a loser but I know something all those other fuckers don’t: that deep inside waiting to come out, is this handsome devil...more